Once again, the bad blogger side of me has shown it's ugly head. I apologise. I haven't been blogging since 29th September. 
Not much has really happened since then, as let's face it, our lives aren't exactly the most interesting, fun or exciting, nothing much happens. 
But, i'll do a 'catch up' for you all, just so you know what we've all been up to since September. 

Well, around the first week of October, my mum went abroad - it was her first ever holiday, abroad. She turned the big 50 in April and her sister turned the big 60 in September - so their Brother and his wife, surprised them both with a holiday to Greece during the first week of October. 
She absolutely loved it - A week of peace without me, or the girls annoying her. Peace away from her husband (my dad) - and away from my brother. No-one bothering her, no worries, no stresses, some much needed and well deserved time for her to relax. It was strange, I will be honest. Me and my mum are so close, we don't go a single day without seeing each other - even if it is only for five minutes after or before the school run - (pffft who am I kidding? it's never for a quick 5 minutes) - so going from seeing her every single day, to not seeing her at all - and barely having contact as lets face it, overseas calls cost a fortune, and the fact she was too busy lapping up the sun to be bothered with texts or phone calls, and rightly so. The girls missed her like crazy too, and I know she missed them, but, she was back within a week - and everything went back to normal. 

While she was away, I got gas heating installed in my own home - and my Dad and David decorated Mum's living room for her while she was away - so it was a busy week at home for us aswell. 

The night before the gas was due to be installed - I had to stay over night with the girls at my Dad's - as our beds had to be moved, and everything piled on top of them - So it was nice to have a bit of quality time with Dad - as that's something we NEVER do, ever.. We watched a movie with the girls and he got munchies in for us all. It was nice. 

The gas getting installed left a HUGE mess - but it was totally worth it. The heating ever since we changed over has been incredible. We are all so much warmer. It's a lot cheaper to run, and the water pressure since changing - WOW! - I would definitely recommend gas heating over oil heating, any day. 

The girls started at a new girls brigade in October also. Their old GB was lovely, and all the leaders so nice - unfortunately the girls didn't really know anybody, and so were not enjoying it for those reasons, so we moved them to a new Girls Brigade that all of their friends attend, and so far, they are absolutely loving it, and look forward to going each and every week, which is fabulous! 
How cute do they look in their new uniforms though? 

Lacey-Beth took part in another dance competition in October - WLDF (world lyrical dance federation) - where she danced her Jazz Solo and Lyrical Solo! 

She placed 7th Place, in the Under 8's Section with her Jazz Solo and 8th Place in the Under 8's section with her Lyrical, and won two trophies, so she was overwhelmed. 
She was planning on taking part in the improv section - but backed out at the last minute. 
The competitions are definitely giving her a new found confidence. 

Lexie-Anna returned to dance for a second year - after taking a month out, she decided she wanted to go back. We've put her in on her own, well in a class on her own, without Lacey-Beth with her - and to be honest, it is the best move we made, shes become a lot more independent instead of relying on Lacey-Beth, and she can enjoy learning the dances more, rather than Lacey-Beth bossing her about. 
She's looking forward to performing in the Christmas Showcase next week. 

Lexie-Anna's class in school were doing the topic - "what do I want to be when I grow up"
and Lexie-Anna has decided she would like to be a Paramedic. 
She's become really interested and obsessed with paramedics since October. 
My granda (her great granda) - took sick, and the paramedics came out to the house. She witnessed this, and became intrigued in what they do, and how they helped her Granda Benny, and ever since then, she has said, she wants to be a paramedic when she grows up.
She loved it, that the paramedics came into the school for a visit to her class aswell. 

The girls had a very busy week leading up to Halloween - School had a Halloween Disco, and the girls dressed up as a Broken Doll, and a Candy Witch - then their youth club had a halloween disco - again Lacey-Beth went as a broken doll, and Lexie-Anna as a Zombie Bride - then Halloween it's self they dressed up as a Broken Doll and Witch for trick or treating. 

Halloween was also Lacey-Beth's 7th Birthday! I can't believe my first born, is now seven years old. 
We celebrated earlier on in the day, with a trip to Build-a-Bear, followed by lunch at Cosmo's all you can eat buffet, and a shopping trip in Belfast - visiting Castle Court's The Entertainer, and Lush Cosmetics - where the girls picked out some Halloween Bath Bombs and Bubble Bars. 

We then had cake when we arrived home - a gorgeous LOL themed birthday cake, for an LOL mad little girl. 

It was a nice chilled, relaxing day, and she said it was the best birthday she had ever had. 

We put our Christmas Tree up quite early on in November - I have no idea why, I was feeling a tad excited at the time, and thought, yes, let's do it - But, our Charlie came down once it was all up, and was loving the lights.
He's almost 5 months old, and will soon be celebrating his first Christmas, it's hard to believe. 

And lastly - in the last few days - Our elf Peppermint returned - bringing with him his Wife snowflake and their babies - Buddy and Cindy-Lou-Who. 
And the girls also went to visit Santa in the grotto at the school Christmas fayre. 

 

That's us all caught up to date! 
Like I said, nothing very exciting, just the days of our normal everyday lives. 

Mental Health Progression | I've taken back my life

Previously I made a post about my mental health story, if you haven't read it yet, you can do so here

This was the image I used whilst posting that story, it must be two years (or almost) ago!
My eyes, are dead. I am not myself at all. I had no life about me. Friends asked me to do anything, I agreed, but inside, didn't want to do it, or i'd try and find some kind of excuse to get out of it.

I didn't want to do anything. I was stuck in a rut, stuck in my own wee bubble.

Anyway, i'm not here to talk about that path - because fast forward two years later, and here I am.

I have just finished a seven week course in Confidence Building and Life Coaching with an incredible local lady.
This lady has done more for me, in seven short weeks, than any councillor or doctor done in twelve years, and she barely knows just how much she helped me, save me!

I will be honest, when I first started this course, I was oblivious. Pfft I thought, it'll never help me. I've been down the same pathways for the last twelve years, and still end up in the same rut, feeling like the world is on top of me, feeling wacked with this endless guilt, not wanting to do anything, stopping myself from being my true self, but hell was I proved wrong.

Here I am now.

On the right - and by God, I feel a lot better! The smile, is a true smile, not fake. 

My eyes are lit up. I feel back to - my true self. 

Granted, it's a filter pic - but I have an excuse for that - I literally did look like shit that day - and no, not because I felt shit, as in down but because I was bunged with a cold - and couldn't be assed putting makeup on, for me to be wiping it all away under my nose, so we went for the bare-faced look, hence the filter to hide my snotty-ish red nosed reindeer look. 

This lady helped me build my self-esteem back up, my confidence, she helped bring me back out of myself and for that I am forever grateful. 

When I was a teenager, I was a mouthy little cow, anyone who knew me, will tell you that. After losing my Uncle, and the grief of his death set in, that's when I started to shut myself away, and keep myself to myself - a couple of years later, following a miscarriage, things escalated then. 

Add on PND when my first born came along, and me not seeking help after my local mental health team failed me, I let things escalate until they got so bad that I was in and out of hospital like a yo-yo.  I stopped doing things for myself anymore, relying on my mum or husband to make phone calls on my behalf, accompany me to meetings, or anywhere else I had to go. I even feared being in my own home alone. I couldn't go to the shop alone - I couldn't even go to the girls school to pick them up or drop them off alone. I was a prisoner in my own body, and only I could help me escape. 

And that is exactly what I have done. Debbie helped me realise that I am safe, all is well 

Everyday is a new day, everyday is a beautiful day, and everyday I can find at least one thing I like about myself, everyday I can find at least one thing I am grateful for. 

And after seven weeks of hard work trying to get myself to this point, I now know that yes I AM SAFE, ALL IS WELL. 

I am back to being me. I am back to being that mouthy teenager again - I'm not afraid to express myself. I'm not afraid to stand up for what I believe in. 

I can now travel to the girls school to pick them up or drop them off, alone. 

I can now stay at home everyday alone, while the kids and hubby are out at school or work. 

I can now make phone calls without relying on others. 

I can walk in the dark, without being afraid. 

I haven't had palpitations in a few weeks - something which became an everyday occurrence.  

Now don't get me wrong - My depression and anxiety and panic attacks, they haven't magically gone away. Of course they haven't . 

They are still there - but it's ok to have a down day, it's ok to have a sad day, it's ok to feel nervous. 

It doesn't mean I'm falling back into that pattern, these kind of days happen to even the happiest of people. They are normal. 

But now? I am in control 

I no longer let depression, anxiety and panic attacks control me or my life, and I vow to never let them get the better of me again. I have taken back my life, and won't hand it over again without a fight. 

October's Library Visit | A few days early

Technically this is supposed to be October's library visit, but we're a few days early.

Our previous library books were due back today, so had to be returned, so we just collected some new books while we were there. 

So this month, 

Lacey-Beth's choice picks are:

- Jacqueline Wilson - Cookie 

- R.L Stine - Goosebumps 

- Kate Pankhurst - Mariella Mystery investigates the disappearing dinner lady 

- Gillian Sheilds - When the world is ready for bed 

- Camilla De La Bedoyere - Whale Shark 

Lexie-Anna's choice picks are:

- Elfida Vipont - The Elephant and the Bad Baby

Ladybird Books - Goodnight Peppa 

- Richard Dungworth and Jane Massey - One Little Baby

Sean Taylor - Crocodiles are the best animals of all 

- David Walliams - The slightly annoying elephant 

We already had Jacqueline Wilson's - Cookie out last month, unfortunately never got the chance to finish it, so Lacey-Beth has decided to take it again so as we can finish it off. 

I am looking forward to reading David Walliams book also, I've heard so many great reviews about his story books. 

This month I also decided to take out two books for myself aswell, just to give me a bit of bedtime reading. 

So I've went for 

Jane Elliott's - Mummy's Little Girl and The little Prisoner 

Unsure how i'll feel about them, they sound like a book thats going to have me crying, but I am keen to get stuck back into reading. I used to adore reading, but the last book I read was 50 shades of Grey because everyone else was raving about it. 

Can anyone suggest any decent reads for me to give a try? 

Liked and Loved | Sep 2018

September 2018 Liked and Loved Linky

Mrs Hinch:

So I know i'm not the only person who has become a little obsessed with Mrs Hinch, be honest, how many others are there?

I got introduced to Mrs Hinch earlier in the month, and now? I'm hooked. 

I'm hinching every day, i'm putting my kitchen to bed, my cloths to bed, my sinks to bed, i've even gone and bought a Dave the Duster.. and I have sworn that once I can find them, I will be buying a Minkeh and Pinkeh. I have always loved Zoflora, but I am now using it a lot more than I was doing, finding new ways and uses for this small bottle of heaven. 

Mrs Hinch and the Hinch Army have entirely taken over my life 

BUT.... if I am being honest, in a positive way. Not only is my house looking clean, and smelling fresh, but it's really helping my mental health in more ways than I imagined. Obviously, I did clean before Mrs Hinch - with two kids, you have to, don't you? But I never went mad on it, and never had a real love for it until now. Mrs Hinch has shown me easier tips than I was doing myself, and honestly some of the tips, the quotes and the little things she does, has really helped me to uplift my moods daily. I'm finding it all very therapeutic and relaxing. Even the kids are joining in and enjoying it (I only let them dust or use some antibac wipes - nothing major) 

Lacey-Beth's Adventure Mini Break:

Lacey-Beth went off on a little adventure with her best friend, and her second family, to stay in the South of Ireland, in Co.Cavan in some log cabins in the woods. 

They went for a whole weekend, and she really enjoyed it. This girl has had so many adventures throughout the summer with her best friend and family, and has loved every single one, and honestly, it's given her some amazing memories to cherish always, and given her adventures that I probably could never give or take her on. 

Cathy (her besties mummy) kept me updated through text and calls, and sent lots of pics of the girls enjoying themselves. They got to experience new things and honestly just had a ball. 

International Day Of Peace: 

On the 21st September - it was international day of peace and the local women's group I attend along with the local pensioners group had teamed together to do a silk painting of a now abandoned Linen Mill in our local town, with the fields and river around it, and a girl in the middle, to represent the peace in our communities around our area. 

This painting was unveiled on international day of peace in the Titanic Building in Belfast, Northern Ireland. 

Our two groups attended this event, and it was a lovely day. We got a tour of the last surviving While Star Line ship - the Nomadic, had a bit of lunch, then travelled of for a tour of Northern Ireland's parliament building - Stormont.

28 Years Married: 

My parents celebrated their 28th Wedding Anniversary last week. They were spoiled with gorgeous gifts. And then we spent the evening together as a family indulging in chinese takeaway. A small and quite evening, but enjoyed by the seven of us - my parents, both my daughters, myself and husband, and my brother. 

An Autumn Photoshoot:

I used to love taking my own photos of the girls before my mental health reached it's peak. 

I stopped doing shoots with them, when I got really bad - but as mentioned before, Mrs Hinch and her techniques are really helping me to overcome that anxiety. 

So this week, for the first time in two years, I lifted the camera to take some proper photos of the girls.  Unfortunately Lacey-Beth decided she's too 'cool' and too 'old' to do this anymore, but Lexie-Anna happily obliged. 

They don't look the best, but rememeber, it has been two years from I took photos on a proper camera, and edited any, but I still love how they turned out all the same. 

Dance Exams:

During the summer Lacey-Beth had started taking ABD exam classes in dance. These are carrying on throughout term time, until her dance teacher feels she is ready to take the actual exam. 

Last week, the girls all received their beautiful Exam Classes and Exam Uniform to wear, a beautiful purple Leotard with footless tights. 

Lacey-Beth absolutely loves it - it's her third dance uniform, so far. She's her normal, everyday dance uniform for classes, her competition tracksuit to wear attending competitions and her private lessons, and then this gorgeous leotard for her exam work. 

She feels and looks so grown up in it. 

Autumn | Bucket List

Autumn is my absolute favourite season. 

Everything about Autumn I love! It's not too warm, but not too cold either, its perfect. 

The colours are so warm, cozy, and home warming. 

We have Halloween, which let's face it, holds a lot of precious memories for me, considering my first born was born on Halloween. 

The Autumn clothes in shops are to die for, compared to any other season, I find, in my opinion the Autumn selections always seem to be the best, I mean who doesn't love an oversized hoodie or a comfy cardi right? 

Autumn always has, and probably always will be, my favourite season, which is why, I've decided to do an Autumn Bucket List of everything I'd like to achieve as a family this season. 

What is on your Autumn Bucket List??

Create your own happiness | #R2BC

Hi guys, Happy Thursdays!

Wow, the end of another week is fast approaching. 

So this week, browsing through my blog reads, I came across a new linky. A linky I knew I definitely liked the sound of. A linky I knew I wanted to join in and take part with. 

#Reasonstobecheerful 

started by host http://www.mummyfromtheheart.com/

As most people know, I love reasons to write blog posts based on happiness, so this linky is right up my straight. I've spent way to long in a spiral of depression, it's time to get lots of cheerful posts on the go, something to spread some cheer, and happiness! 

(ok, that sounded an awful lot like a quote from Elf - I promise i'm not christmas obsessed - yet) 

So - here goes! My reasons to be cheerful this week.

1. 𝓜𝓻𝓼 𝓗𝓲𝓷𝓬𝓱 

𝓑𝓻𝓪𝓲𝓷𝔀𝓪𝓼𝓱𝓮𝓭 𝓜𝓮:

Being brainwashed by someone doesn't sound like a reason to be very cheerful or even grateful does it? It sounds horrific. 

But no, honestly, this particular brainwashing, I am ecstatic with. 

Recently I got introduced to Mrs Hinch on Instagram - you can follow her here

She shares instagram posts and stories about cleaning. Sharing life hacks, tips, must have cleaning supplies, and cleaning hauls. 

Now - as a mum, I had to have a clean house - raising kids you have to keep up with the housework. But never to the extents that Mrs Hinch has shown me. She has shared some life changing life hacks on her insta page that I am eternally grateful for, and such simple little tricks they are to. 

I have definitely been hinched, and I am loving it. To be honest, so is L-A - she was been having so much fun, wiping down the kitchen cupboard doors when we're putting our kitchen to bed. 

2. 𝓐 𝓵𝓲𝓽𝓽𝓵𝓮 𝓫𝓸𝔂 𝓘 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮:

Whilst doing our weekly clean up this week, I came across a little outfit my favourite little boy left at my house when he was visiting. I haven't seen that boy in almost two weeks, and to be honest, I probably won't be having him over for a visit anytime soon or in the near future, which in a way is heartbreaking, BUT - I have grieved that already, and now? Well now, I am just happy, grateful and cheerful about the fact, I was able to spend time with him for a few weeks - I appreciate the fact that his Mummy did trust me to look after him. And I may not get to see him now as much as I'd like, but I will always love him, and always be forever cheerful knowing he was and always will be a huge part of my life. 

3. 𝓚𝓲𝓷𝓭𝓷𝓮𝓼𝓼

This week L-A sold her go-kart as she outgrew it and it was less than a year old. She received £60 for it, so she went into town, and treated herself to some new Autumn clothes, and a new series LOL doll - the Underwraps, Eye Spy, Series 4 - then, with the money she had left, this little girl of only four years of age, bought her sister some new Heelys and an LOL doll also and some Unicorn false nails from Primark. No-one asked her to do this, out of the kindess of her own heart, L-A didn't want to use all of her own money on herself, but wanted to share it with her big sister. 

This made me burst with pride, and made me realise, I must be doing something right, to have raised such a kind hearted little girl. 

Living Arrows | 38/53

 
 Kahlil Gibran, “You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth”

We have been having a rather difficult time of things with Lacey-Beth at the moment, BUT, despite the challenges we face daily with her, deep down, there is still her sweetness, and this week proved that. 

This young lady, took her sister under her wing, walking her up to her line in the playground, whilst I stood at the gates, to help boost her little sisters confidence. 

Sooner or later the time is going to come, when the teacher asks us Year One Mum's not to walk the kiddos up to the line, and to drop them off at the gate, it happens every year. Well, Lexie-Anna, has been so reliant on me lately, and won't let me leave her at the gate - Lacey-Beth witnessing this, every single morning, took her and helped her get used to it, without me one morning. I stood at those gates, watching my eldest, act like a little mummy hen figure to my youngest, and knew then in that moment, I must have done something right, for them to show that much love, support and encouragement towards one another. 
I couldn't have been or felt more proud than I did.  

(I wish I could have napped a quick snapshot of such a beautiful moment - but due to the playground being busy, it was impossible)